Trump Hangers-On Open New Club for Other Rich Suck-Ups

George Carlin once said, “It’s a big club and you ain’t in it.” Some folks in Donald Trump’s circle heard that and thought, “Now that’s an idea!” According to Politico, Donald Trump Jr., megadonor Omeed Malik, and a handful of wealthy ghouls who orbit Donald Trump are opening an extremely exclusive, invite-only social club for other rich schmucks who want access to power. The club, called The Executive Branch, reportedly opened in Washington, D.C. over the weekend.

The private society apparently opened with a party after White House Correspondents’ Dinner, with club owners inviting the richest of the rich to join the club for a small fee of $500,000, with the goal of creating the “highest-end private club that Washington has ever had”—with that value being related to money and not character, of course.

Unsurprisingly, per Politico, the club’s audience are business moguls and tech executives who would like to hold an audience with Trump officials and other folks who have the president’s ear. And hey, hard to blame Trump Jr. and company for setting the price tag high: when all you have to offer is access because you are otherwise a failson, you gotta cash in while you have it.

Speaking of that company, Politico reports that the owners of the club include Trump Jr. and Malik (best known for his VC firm 1789 Capital that focuses on investing in “anti-woke” companies), as well as Zach and Alex Witkoff—the sons of billionaire Trump buddy Steve Witkoff who are in part behind the Trump-aligned crypto project World Liberty Financial. Its founding members include Trump’s crypto czar and generally self-interested oaf David Sacks, his “All In” podcast co-host and so-called “SPAC King” Chamath Palihapitiya, and the Winklevoss brothers. Bascially, it’s a nightmare blunt rotation.

Palihapitiya is a solid example of the type of person who would want to be a part of a club like this. He’s previously complained that he “couldn’t get a fucking phone call returned from the White House to save my life” when the Democrats were in charge despite being a party megadonor. But the Trump administration is happy to take his call, in part thanks to the $300,000 personal contribution he made to Trump’s election efforts and the Silicon Valley fundraiser he co-hosted for the then-candidate.

Now that type of favor trading can be made much cleaner. Pay your membership fee to The Executive Branch and rub shoulders with all the administration members you could want—just the way that the people who can actually afford to pay that fee think it should be. So congrats, Palihapitiya and friends: you’re in the club.